I will start with some excerpts from Ken, if you are inclined to reading them, here goes:
“Jesus is not a harsh judge, sitting in Heaven with a scorecard keeping track of how many times we forget a practice period. Yet he does appeal to the decision-making part of our minds that would be tempted to choose the ego instead of the Holy Spirit, specialness and individuality instead of learning the lessons that would undo them and return us home. He urges us not because there is anything sacrosanct about these review periods, but for our well-being. He reminds us in statements like that, (the first paragraph), that doing things our way brings pain, while having him guide us brings release from pain. We therefore will feel better if we acknowledge we are wrong and he is right, and indeed that he has always been right.
Jesus is not naïve, nor harshly demanding. There certainly may be times throughout the day when at the hour’s stroke it is impossible to spend a few minutes thinking of the lesson. Again Jesus is not harsh, but he is saying to be careful in distinguishing between what is reasonable and what is not, in terms of missing a practice period. The “unreasonable” is choosing to forget out of fear.
The point is to respond to the gentleness with which Jesus acts as our teacher. This is not a punitive assignment, for he asks only that we be mindful of our fear thoughts when we find these lessons too threatening for our specialness. This fear often leads to forgetting them at the appointed time. Recall, too our discussion in Lesson 95. Our success lies in these lessons does not lie in having a perfect record in remembering, but in being perfectly mindful of our temptation to feel guilty.
Jesus is saying the goal is not that we actually remember the practice period, but that we be mindful of our thoughts and vigilant of the need to forget in order to protect the ego self hiding in the bodily state of mindlessness. It is not the form of remembering that is important, but the content of wanting to remember. Thus, Jesus does not wish these lessons ritualized. Remember the Course students who had special watches made to go off on the hour and half hour. Seeking to be reminded of the lesson, they in fact obstructed the workbook’s mind-training purpose of showing them first how resistant they were to the lessons, the prerequisite for developing the motivation for learning what the lessons would teach.”
I am finding that I am much more honest with Jesus. I have no problem talking to him and telling him I am filled with fear or rage, sadness or depression, anxiety or angst. Ah, and that is what this practice is all about. If I have been led throughout my years as a Christian to fear God or Jesus, the Holy Spirit, I will always be tempted to flee, not face the darkness in my mind. I will do this by relying on my distractions, my idols to keep me safe from His wrath. I will punish myself by choosing them to avoid His punishing me, however, knowing full well I will die and it may not be pretty or pleasant.
Today I will do my upmost to practice and be mindful and be willing to forgive myself when I falter.
Have a lovely day!