I awoke so scattered and restless, trying to focus at the moment. You know, that sense of one foot in hell, the other trying to reach Heaven and it seems I haven’t make the “right” choice yet.
“It is senseless for me to search wildly for salvation.” But I do. In all forms of specialness. Relationships, remedies, normally holistic, for body ailments, idols like wearing attractive clothing or having my hair look “just so”. I get they’re idols, often, I am so into self-denigration, I cannot seem to extricate myself from their attraction, only feeling safe with them, knowing full well they never bring peace.
Ken writes about Lesson 71’s review:
“It is not what we perceive to be the problem – something outside; it is the way we see it, which means the teacher with whom we are seeing: Jesus or the ego. If we are upset, we know we have chosen the ego. God’s plan for salvation calls for us to change our minds, or more to the point, to change our teacher. Again, if we are not happy with how something is going, we need simply realize it is because we chose the wrong voice and its interpretation of the situation.”
“That is why our special relationships are our saviors. They offer us a chance to reconsider our faulty perceptions. Once we realize the problem is within, we are free to make another choice.”
I LOVE WHAT HE WROTE in response to paragraph three for the review of Lesson 72:
“The only hope of salvation, again, lies in my accepting full responsibility for the misery I experience, which reflects my original choice to be a sinful and guilty individual deserving of misery and punishment. Therefore, in an insane attempt to be free of the pain, I choose to project the guilt and attack you for it. I can thus be saved only by returning to the decision-making part of my mind and correcting this mistaken choice. By being angry, however, and justifying my judgments, I assert the reality of the body and sine – yours and mine.”
By joining with Jesus, “I come to understand that my perception is the effect of my choice: the ego’s grievances of the Holy Spirit’s miracle.”
Finally, to the suggested statements for practice for this lesion, he writes:
“I am learning that all circumstances in my life- past, present, or anticipated – offer me the opportunity to see differently. My problems are perceptual, my perceptions come from thinking, and my thinking originates in the mind’s decision for the ego or the Holy Spirit. The right-minded choice for forgiveness corrects the ego’s thinking, which led to my wrong-minded perceptions of grievances and attack. Because I now choose to be happy, I see grounds for forgiveness and salvation in everything.”
Where Ken writes I can see the past differently, this was so comforting to me as I often bludgeon myself for mistakes I have made in the past that have felt like irreparable sins, decisions or actions I made/took that cause me to cringe with shame and embarrassment.
When I feel remorse or disgust with myself and these choices, I can ask for help in seeing them from above the background with Jesus by my side.
Also, where my only hope of salvation is accepting full responsibility for the misery I experience, the same advice we receive from Jesus on page 448 in the text, Chapter 21, Section II., The Responsibility for Sight:
I am responsible for what I see.
I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide
upon the goal I would achieve.
And everything that seems to happen to me
I ask for, and receive as I have asked.
Food for thought.
Have a wonderful day!