Hi there,
I love this lesson, it’s very straightforward, very direct, very absolute in its message.
I just spent almost a half an hour trying to get on top of all the emails I have to sort through, maybe two weeks’ worth.
Why I stress myself out about this is beyond me, but I can certainly use this anxiety I am feeling in today’s practice.
Some of the adjectives I use to describe myself are anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, put upon, misunderstood, highly sensitive, easily distracted, scattered, oh dear, I could go on and on.
My point today is this:
I can easily be very much aware of how aggrieved I may feel toward others, many others, but even though I am aware of my very self-denigrating self-concept, I don’t spend enough time, thought and prayer on myself. Me thinks, my friends, that’s a defense.
Sure, I am willing to relinquish my grievances, my “beefs”, my animosity toward others, that isn’t challenging for me, but, ah, to truly do this “hard” work on myself, not so much.
So I continue to remain anxious, high alert anxiety anxious, 911 anxious or nervous, feeling unsafe, unstable, ungrounded and insecure as effects of my distorted thinking with the ego thought system. To be aware is the first step, I will take the second step of relinquishment, see Lesson 23.
To continue, not all days, some days throughout the day, some other days, intermittently, to be sure do I feel this adrenal glands’ depletion of energy I could expend on more loving thoughts and acts, if so guided. AH….BUT…
I can change my mind.
As I waited to bring our callers back this morning on our daily meditation call, I used the 10 minutes on Jesus and myself, that was it.
Jesus because when I condemn others or myself, I am pushing Him away, the HS away, God away and I used the time on myself because when I am above the battleground and joining with Jesus, I can detach from myself, my small, tiny, “pitiful” self and find mySelf, yeah for me!
I will focus my practice today on anyone or anything that comes up that causes any irritation, any form of irritation masks intense rage, see Lesson 21, and when nothing emerges, I will focus on forgiving myself for clinging to all these illusions, descriptors that I have used to define Gayle Bartlett.
Yes, this I will do.
I can withdraw projections from others with relative ease, not so much with myself. This will change as of today.
After all, Jesus states in today’s lesson it, practicing, being disciplined, this mind training journey he is leading us on is simply a matter of motivation.
I have plenty.
Have a lovely day!
Love,
Gayle
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