I forgot to share I had smushed Gracie’s left front paw as I was getting her inside from our garage into the house.. She is normally not under foot, but two days ago she was, and I put my full weight on that paw. She’s little, maybe 20 pounds and she squealed in pain.
She limped all night long. I felt terrible. She has arthritis in her right “elbow” and her two knees are compromised with a luxating patella. Guilt within my mind was at full throttle.
Luckily, no broken bones. No more limping so yesterday afternoon, I decided the brave the elements, maybe below zero with wind chill, so off we went to a lovely park in our subdivision where a small bridge leads to another suburban area enabling us to walk for miles, were we so inclined.
We were out for an hour. I let her walk to her little heart’s content, so happy was I that she wasn’t seriously injured. It was freezing in spite of the fact I was bundled up, I mean, over the top bundled up. She was too and when she’s had enough, I use a stroller to carry her back to our home, replete with two blankets for her warmth and comfort.
Getting her into it after she’d had 40 minutes of sniffing, etc., the stroller toppled over and it was a struggle to juggle her, get her into it and ensure she was enwrapped tightly safe within its confines.
It took about 20 minutes to reverse our direction and it was just miserable. Of course this is all my perception, I get it.
I had to wiggle my fingers the entire time to avoid their becoming frostbitten, seriously, I have really warm mittens, not inexpensive, and my hands were bright red from the cold.
Every step was agonizing and I was certainly not enjoying facing the wind and believing it would take hours to get safely ensconced back into our house. Such grandiosity and drama filled my mind, honestly, of which I was totally unaware for that entire period of time. Mindless and anxious, totally locked into time as though it were a prison.
I share this because it truly is a metaphor for what everyone does in their lives. Event that causes guilt, I stepped on Gracie’s left front paw, period. I didn’t need to dramatize it or glorify it or make it bigger in my mind, ah, but I have a very special relationship with my beloved doggie and even though I am aware of it, I still haven’t totally relinquished it to the altar.
Because I strongly felt compelled to assuage the guilt I felt for hurting her, I took off with her for an hour in bitter cold. She, ultimately, was warm in the stroller, I was abjectly miserable.
So interesting, my thoughts, all my thoughts about this scenario did not mean anything, yet I managed to aggrandize it to the nth degree to satisfy my need to make restitution for a mistake, I had two choices, align with Jesus, separate with ego. I clearly chose the latter. And when I do choose ego, any and all options are never forthcoming. There were so many different forms of activity I could have chosen for Gracie, but doing the extreme and absurd was my choice.
And my point is events happen, accidents happen, individuals go off the deep end and attack, etc., but it is never necessary to overcompensate, or make any form of adjustment which I did to offset any guilt that might ensue when any of this mess occurs.
I didn’t realize it yesterday, I do today.
Everything in our lives can be used for healing, for forgiveness as we make salvation our singular priority. In today’s lesson, we are encouraged to recognize salvation as our function and relinquish all other goals we have made/invented for ourselves.
Jesus is declaring that “This is the only way in which you can find peace of mind.”
Now because I didn’t ask for help in discerning what was in Gracie’s and my own best interests relative to a walk, it became drudgery for me on our way back. So needless, so silly, so unnecessary.
Again, however, it’s what everyone does until they don’t.
Until I don’t. Until I genuinely and unequivocally want Jesus or the Holy Spirit to do for me what I cannot do for myself and that is, “On this clean slate let my true function be written for me.”
Love to all,