The winds, up to 65 mph yesterday, have abated, but it’s very cold, feels like 10 degrees. I am earnestly trying to release my belief, and it’s firm, that our relentlessly cold and “brutal” winter has adversely affected me. Another forgiveness opportunity, to be sure.
But, alas, I digress.
I love this review today.
SO simple, so powerful, so profoundly meaningful and full of hope.
Lesson 26 followed 25’s stating “I do not know what anything is for”. If I remain attached to the world I see through the ego’s “eyes”, I will be committed to the ego’s purpose of separation. One or the other, kill or be killed, attack, defend, defend, attack. If, on the other hand, I am willing to acknowledge I have constant attack thoughts, even when I believe I am being attacked by another, it’s all the same, I will be taught what my inheritance is, perfect security and complete fulfillment. Say what? Can you imagine what that state of mind would be like? It boils down to a choice for Heaven or hell, no in-betweens, no middle ground, no wiggle room, one or the other. Peace or conflict. Healing or pain and death.
Lesson 27 tells me I have a fearful self-image, I need to release it, vision will be GIVEN me if I do as it will be replaced by truth. Ah, then I will see everything with charity and love.
Don’t I want that? Do I want to stay stuck in this cesspool of a life I made? No. What will it take for me to apply this lesson and its review? It does remind me of Lesson 23 and the three step process which is all about awareness, relinquishment and transformation, we are responsible for the first two steps, Jesus/Holy Spirit are in charge of the third.
Lesson 28, when I am stuck in attack thoughts, I have closed the door to Help from Jesus/Holy Spirit. I slammed it shut. The door is not barred, locked, as granite or steel, it is open. We have barricaded it with our thoughts, our beliefs, we are truly afraid of redemption, as the text states. We would prefer our fearful self-images to being as God created us. Absurd, isn’t it? And so silly.
Lesson 29 tells me I can see beyond all appearances, it’s that wonderful? All appearances that would tell me to the contrary when I choose to listen to ego. All appearances. There is light there, as I slammed the door shut to being Helped, I have kept the veil intact, no, I won’t lift it or move it, what if I do give up my thoughts of separation? Where would Gayle be? This fearful self-image isn’t happy much of the time, but it is still “me”, the identity I am terrified of releasing.
Lesson 30. Ah, all is one forever. There is no way I can possibly understand this unless I feel it, unless I release all my idols on the altar and allow myself to be Helped.
Can I do this? Will I join with the Will of my Father?
I wrote yesterday I would share an example of practical application.
I have a lovely Topaz ring I bought online about eight years ago, it’s a bit too big for my right hand, but I love it nevertheless. I couldn’t find it before Bill and I were to go out for dinner. I panicked, went into a deep pit of self-flagellation and did do a mini-search for about 15 minutes, even emptied our junk drawer in the kitchen. No ring.
Chose not to think about it throughout dinner to be present to our conversation, lovely dinner, lovely meal.
Got home, looked in several places, no ring.
Chose to release it. It is a ring, period. It is an idol if I obsess about it. I can let my need to find it go, I can let my need to retrace the last time I wore it and where I might have placed it. I can just relax and not repeat my decades-old pattern of tearing our house apart to assuage the guilt I felt for being so careless.
Careless, negligent, mindless, harried, scattered, irresponsible are all adjectives that consumed me for a while. And as I relinquished this seeming “loss”, I remembered Lesson 35 which we review tomorrow. “I see myself as….” …is the exercise to which we state, “But my mind is part of God’s. I am very holy.” It was immeasurably helpful, I did relax, I slept well and I found the ring under a mirrored tray I use for toiletries which I had forgotten about when I cleaned my bathroom.
At that point, honestly, it mattered not if I found it.
I had released it and, for a brief time, I experienced what our inheritance feels and looks like.
Love to all,