Hola,

By sharing my “private” thoughts which mean nothing, I am able to move forward in prayer, forgiveness and healing.  For me, it takes a lot of courage, a lot of grit, a lot of willingness to be vulnerable by sharing what I have labeled as deeply intimate feelings, thoughts and, actually, fears, a deep, deep sense of sin and guilt.

I love the review of all fifty lessons as I am enabled to more easily clear the cobwebs in my mind on my way to peace.

As for D., Rev. Deb is using initials on her website so I will make it easier for her to save her time, I am grateful for this “intense”, my descriptor, forgiveness opportunity.  It appears he is willing to enter rehab as opposed to being sentenced to jail.  The family was able to ascertain that he received eight tickets the day he received his DUI, I won’t bore you with the particulars, they truly don’t matter.

It may be the judge adjudicating his case will be more lenient if he/she sees D. is earnest about getting help.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers for the healing of his mind.

As I read the lesson this morning on our daily WB call and then practiced the five lessons’ review, I was so thankful for the elegant timing of lessons 6 through 10.

Lesson 6’s review spoke to me like this:  Since “I am always upset my nothing”, I need not be upset about the seeming crisis in the B. family as what appears to be happening is all an illusion of chaos and confusion, misery and pain.  I confused reality with illusions.  Silly me.

Lesson 7’s review spoke to me like this:  “When I have forgiven myself and remembered Who I am, I will bless everyone and everything I see.”  One sentence later…”And I will look on love on all that I failed to see before.”  Ah, so I shall ask for help in forgiving myself, remembering I am as God created me and by doing so, I will bless all and look on all with love.  WOW!

Lesson 8’s review spoke to me like this:  “Let me learn to give the past away, realizing that in so doing I am giving up nothing.”  Oh shoot, does this mean I give up my attachment to drama?  Oh no, who would I be without it in my life?  Oh gosh, what would my life be like?  What will I lose my doing this, by trusting that I will be happy and, BTW, what in the “hell” does being happy mean?  Think I will find out by following Jesus’ direction.

Lesson 9’s review spoke to me like this:  “The choice is not whether to see the past or the present; the choice is merely whether to see or not.  What I have chosen to see has cost me vision.  Now I would choose again, that I may see.”  As I have more clearly acknowledged my attachment to the past by retaining my “sorry” identity which I am, evidently, terrified to relinquish, I see I have caused my own pain and sadness.  I am responsible for what I see and I can always choose again, always.  I believe I will, yep, tired to playing so small.  No “time” to waste, I want peace.

Lesson 10’s review spoke to me like this:  In reference to private thoughts, my “sorry” private thoughts, my “pitiful and meaningless” private thoughts, Jesus states, “What can these thoughts mean:  They do not exist, and so they mean nothing.”  Ouch, ouch, ouch.

My thoughts mean nothing, my judgment of D. and his family mean nothing, my evaluation of what happened, all in the past, means nothing.  My thoughts mean nada.  Ever.

SO…moving forward, I shall see D.’s situation as a cry for help and how do I answer a call for help?  With love as I withdraw my projection of my own “sorry” past, place it on the altar for transformation and see that his cry/call for help is mine as well.  We share shared interests, not separate, and when we heal, we all heal together.

I pray.  I forgive with help.  I bless.  I answer every call for help with love and return any expression of love with love.

Love is.  God is.

Love to all,

Gayle

 

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