Hi everyone,

As I was making coffee for Bill and me, decaf for me, high test for him, I thought about today’s lesson.

When I think about it, how is it possible I am never upset for the reason I think?  When I am enraged, hurt, worried, distressed, etc., in any form, it sure feels justified and legitimate.

For me, I am becoming increasingly aware of how easily I get upset and am oblivious to it…much of the time.

I have likened the ego voice to a radio channel within my mind that is constantly on, sometimes screeching that I am worthless, incompetent and a miserable failure, but, very, very often, it’s an undermining, very low tone advising me to be “pissed off”, feel betrayed or abandoned or totally inept in any and every area.

Let me give you an example.  I am among the worse housekeepers if you will.  I have no interest in cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, etc., to be totally candid with you and myself.  For many years, I hired a cleaning service as I was working 60 hour weeks, often out of town as was Bill.  No kids, no grandkids, just many dogs throughout the years who were cared for by pet nannies.

Anyhow…I vow to do better, take one room at a time and it feels as though that pronouncement might last a day or two and then I am right back where I started, being scattered, putting it off, getting disgusted at the dust accumulating, etc.

BTW, I am not a filthy person.  Sure there’s some dust and bathrooms need scouring, but overall, I do sort of stay on top of it.

What’s my point?

It’s that low-volume radio station running non-stop and advising me I will never get it right.

You see…this is an area I haven’t applied the Course to, it feels rather insignificant when I consider health, relationship or financial challenges, but it isn’t.

Reread today’s lesson.  Reread the Introduction to the WB.  It’s all about excluding nothing, applying great specificity to our practices.

And it is never NOTHING.  The fact I withhold my cleaning “deficiencies”, LOL, in the equation means I believe I can orchestrate my life more adroitly and more peacefully than the Holy Spirit or Jesus!  AND as long as I believe this to be true, I feel separated and alone which is the whole objective of the WB, to get to a place where we KNOW we are ONE.  We are NOT separate, we are NOT alone, we are as God created us, period!

Hope this example helps.

Much love to all of you,

Gayle

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2 thoughts on “Thoughts with Gayle: Lesson 5

  1. Gayle,
    Again, I resonate with your thinking on this lesson!

    For me it’s all about control. I really believe in my innermost mind that I can control anything I put my effort to control. That is why I get upset! Of course the lesson says I’m not upset for the reason I think which is the object in front of me! (Usually).
    If I am honest with myself, which I typically can not be in the moment, I am always upset when I cannot control the outcome of my life. That seems pretty consistent looking back over my life.
    And the good news is that the opposite is also true that when I am not controlling the outcome, I am not upset. Isn’t that interesting? You would think it would then be obvious that I just need to stop controlling.! And deep down if I continue to think that I am inadequate in any way then controlling seems like the logical action.
    But the lesson is actually pretty simple, to simply stop blaming the object in front of me for my upset.
    I can do that, (in hindsight!).

  2. Hi Bob, I hear you! I am a control freak because when I am and it’s most of the time, I feel less vulnerable. For me, it’s being willing to look at ALL my defense mechanisms and have the Holy Spirit help me to release them; after all I cannot undo on my own, now can I? Example, I often find myself cleaning when I don’t want to or “decluttering” because Bill is a neatnik, etc,, I find when I am compulsive about this, I stop and realize that it’s a defense from his commenting on the clutter so to avoid this, I do what it takes to defend against it. I go in circles because I don’t want to do much of what I do, but do it to avoid confrontation/disagreement/dissension, whatever form of attack I might anticipate. Furthermore, I am increasingly aware that I do attack him in my mind, yet rarely say a thing in response. I have often felt “superior” because I don’t mouth off, but, really, attack is attack, whether I am thinking these vicious attack thoughts or stating them, doesn’t matter. Obviously, I am upset more than I want to be, too funny, so I am earnestly applying the lessons without being anal or robotic about it. A tall order for me! Love you, Gayle

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