Hi there,
I feel as though today’s lesson is a refreshing reprieve from yesterday’s practical application exercises, at least for me anyway.
Yesterday’s lesson was glaring for me. When I thought about it, I was using my Dad as an example of what he did to himself. He attacked my twin and me as we got into our teens, I don’t know, we were probably about 14 and going through that gawky, awkward, self-conscious phase of adolescence, just about every single night at dinner for years. We were free from this abhorrent behavior and unloving remarks when we both went away to college, different ones in different states. If it weren’t Lynne whom he viciously eviscerated, it was me. Sure, he would be tired, exhausted perhaps, from a day of seeing patients and/or performing surgery on the brain or spinal cord. However, his cruel and abusive remarks were normal fare for us in addition to Mom’s fabulous meals.
When I thought about the lesson, I realized Dad was actively involved in wishing Lynne and I were different, maybe he was concerned we were doomed for failure out in the “world”, don’t know, but let’s say he was. If he were afraid we’d go off the deep end, then all the fears he might have had about us embarrassing him or his being disappointed we didn’t become doctors or marry them might reflect on him. When I further pondered his attack thoughts directed at us with Mom never intervening, I realized he was indeed attacking himself. All of his projections boomeranged right back to him. Well, I sure as hell didn’t understand this then nor have I understood this dynamic for decades thereafter.
I am getting at the fact that there was no abuse, really, he abused himself. If I continue to choose to see myself as victimized, abused, denigrated, etc., how am I any different than him? That is, in the viciousness of the ego and its thought system to which Dad was attached and my own attachment in blaming him for my shortcomings, etc., how can I condemn him without doing so to myself? Such a vicious and self-destructive cycle in which we engage and to which we are committed.
OK, to move on…
Lesson 27, so easy, so simple, yet so powerful.
YES, I can state the lesson to myself every 15 minutes. I am willing to do this, to get beyond all appearances, projections, perceptions of harm done in any form, upsets as I want peace above all else, freedom from my own devotion to misery, my own decision to stay stuck and immobilized.
Can we save a lot of time? Jesus assures us we can.
Why not make practicing the lesson as a priority?
I am.
Join me, please.
Much love,
Gayle
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