It is absurdly cold here, about nine degrees, tough to get Gracie out in this frigidity!
Yesterday, were I to access it with the ego thought system was an abysmal failure. Why?
I could not get beyond believing and thinking pretty unloving thoughts about my husband. It was just one of those days. Cannot tell you why, it just was my small “self” listening rather actively and with enormous credibility to the ego telling me he was and is to blame for all my upsets, no matter how minuscule and huge in form.
Funny, not ha ha funny, how I was so determined to practice Lesson 19 with sincerity and commitment.
OK, my point today is if I judge/access/interpret the viciousness of the ego shrieking in my ear as anything more than ITS wanting to triumph, stay alive and well within my mind, well then, I am continuing to align with it as it does, in seeming fact, appear to predominate and be the victor over any effort toward rightmindedness, any choice to align myself with the Holy Spirit.
When WE are in judgment, we have chosen ego, period.
I say, when we interpret our progress or lack thereof in any form, steps forward, steps backwards, success or failure, good or bad, miraculous or pitiful, we are evaluating which is ego, period.
The only thing we can do is to lovingly look at how much time we now spend in love or fear, peace or pain, serenity or disturbance. Ken Wapnick, the author to whom I have referred several times now, admonishes us to realize that we are, indeed, making progress if we spend even one half hour a day thinking and perceiving with love, non-judgment and harmlessness as opposed to 15 minutes.
Can we do this? Commit to no longer, when and If we can, allowing the ego to delay our practice by continuing clamoring we’re doing it wrong?
Just remember we can apply ACIM to ourselves.
Let’s take today’s lesson, Lesson 20.
If you find the ego is like heavy metal music playing at the highest volume in your mind, stop instantly, take a few deep breaths and gently tell yourself, I am determined to see.
I am determined to see my experience of failure in practice as I try to practice and am convinced I am a flop. I am determined to see. I am determined to no longer be undisciplined by allowing the ego to sabotage and thwart my practice.
If it helps, use this every half hour practice as a reminder you can see your own practice differently. It can be a source of joy, happiness and peace as you are choosing to be at cause and not effect. Cause meaning your decision for those states of mind and effect, the actual experience of them.
With much, much love,