Bill’s and my weekends are always busy, not just running typical weekend errands, but we also had company yesterday so the days were full of activity.
I did practice, however, and am finding, increasingly, a commitment to put my practicing first and foremost among all the daily activities and, amazingly enough, I get more done. What a concept!
OK, this lesson is most thought-provoking and I will continue to focus on the theme, for me, of specialness.
Throughout the years I have enjoyed with MiraclesOne, we have spoken many times about the pain, despair, etc., I could go on and on, but just think about what the ego thought system is all about. Attack, defend, defend attack. Separation. Judgment. Fear. “Seek and never find.” Suspiciousness, then viciousness. False autonomy. Condemnation. Crucifixion. Need I go on?
And what does God represent? Love. Peace. Safety. Protection. Tranquility. Serenity. All the “gifts of God” we have been promised. Oh, and HOLINESS in all relationships, not just with individuals, but with things to which we have been fiercely attached and upon which we have depended.
Let’s take my husband, Bill, and our relationship. We dated for three years, have been married for 45. 48 years of a very intense and special relationship. No joke.
Did God create our dysfunction, disconnection and “convoluted” conversations, that is, when they seem to define what he and I experience? A resounding NO WAY!
God did not create this specialness and so it is not real.
But I sure as hell think it is.
And I focus on all our past dysfunction and bring it right straight through the present, the NOW and on to the future.
It has only been the last, say two years that I am increasingly aware of the extent to which I AM DEFENSIVE with him, in my mind, not necessarily in the spoken word, but in my mind….as I feel he is attacking or criticizing me, I am doing the same thing toward him, whether or not I verbalize my heinous thoughts.
DO I WANT TO BE ON THIS VICIOUS AND DESTRUCTION unmerry-go-round!
No, I don’t.
SO…I practice and faithfully, every day, as instructed even if I am also trying to understand it.
For once, I am following directions and am allowing the undoing to be an organic process led by Jesus or the Holy Spirit.
Resistance is intense, but I am feeling less of it as every day goes by.
Thanks again to all you “beautiful souls”, Caroline’s expression, for being with us as we join as One in communion with one another.
Much, much love,