Even though I am asking for help in releasing my acute and relentless need to understand what I read in ACIM, whether it’s an assignment from our Thursday classes, or a lesson, I still struggle terribly with the concept Jesus is urging us to internalize to drop the desire for understanding.
No matter how many times I may read His admonishment, I still want to tackle the Course my way, meaning…I will do it if I understand it, so little and so shallow can be my trust in what he states on any given day.
However, I must say that the sequencing of the first 11 lessons makes total sense. I loved yesterday’s, it is eye-opening to see my thoughts about everything are meaningless, I found the practice soothing, comforting and relaxing.
Today’s is I am seeing a world that is meaningless because my thoughts are!
When I think about this, how can it not be? Nothing outside of me can cause me to react in any manner, with rage, depression, sadness, irritation, etc.
If I “wig out” about what I see on the news, the latest with the President or the Mueller investigation, a dramatic report of a murder of a teen, whatever form the news may take, it’s not what the newscaster stated, it is what exists in my mind, meaning….my alignment with the ego’s thought system of attack and defend, defend and attack.
This applies to any thing outside of us, a conversation with a significant other, an encounter with an irascible clerk at the grocery store, a driver who cuts us off.
Doesn’t matter. The world I see is meaningless until it isn’t. AND, the way it isn’t is to allow the mind training system we are being taught to replace the ego’s insanity, a thought system that causes us to “seek and NEVER find.” My italics.
OK…so we stick to practicing. Breathe deeply first, commit your practice to God/Jesus/ the Holy Spirit. Allow the practice to work.
If it helps, Bill Thetford who helped bring the Course forth was encouraged by Jesus through Helen Schucman, she who received the internal dictation from Him, to state, “Here I am, Lord” before practicing or “Jesus, Elder Brother, show me your love.” Whatever works to help you keep an open mind and heart throughout your practice today.
I am right there with you, always.
All my love,