I am not the victim of the world I see.

Here, the word is “the victim.” I only believe I am a victim or THE victim. It’s my own mind that victimizes me, and I allow it. Be it a past relationship, the polar vortex, a friend not being honest with me, the exhaustion of watching the grandkids over the weekend, or the tightly held beliefs about myself, or what others have said, it’s all me and my own doing. It’s my own thinking that has brought me the pain.

I was thinking of a family situation many years ago, and how for quite some time my current in-laws had never really warmly welcomed me into the family. In fact, I was shunned and ridiculed, so early on I indeed felt like a victim. They didn’t like my “weird new age” spirituality and succumbed to calling it and myself outrageous names as well as intimating that I corrupted my husband.

Back then it was excruciatingly painful, and the pain arises occasionally, but hardly at all anymore. When it had,  I had recalled my previous marriages (three before Paul) and in other families, I never experienced this distress in the slightest. I was always warmly welcomed. So at the time, this felt cold and abandoning.

I know that some of the relationships have healed and are healing of which I am grateful. I can only heal them within my own mind. I can choose to see beyond those that aren’t and recognize the Love of God in each family members regardless. I do not have to attach to thoughts of the sadness and emptiness I have felt in “not belonging” to this family. Instead, as Jesus instructs here, I can just watch the thoughts without attachment. It’s only me that decides I am the outsider. I know I will be in gratitude when I acknowledge the love. You too will be thankful if you do so.

Rev. Deb


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