This lesson is rather short, but full of rich material, isn’t it?
The ego thought system single-mindedly, intensely fosters/encourages/supports the vicious and destructive cycle of attack and defend, defend and attack as long as we believe we are alive until we, at last, change our minds.
I spent most of my life believing I was a victim of others in my life, from our Dad who relentlessly demeaned us, especially my twin sister and me as the oldest of four, and then, well, you name it, former boyfriends, teachers, professors, fellow professionals, husband, family, anyone whom I felt unjustly, unjustifiably, unfairly attacked and condemned me.
In my insane dream, I have believed I was powerless to speak up, to share my perspective, etc., because I just haven’t known how to effectively and harmlessly communicate and still don’t, not understanding that as long as I stayed aligned with the ego, I could not in the most loving and meaningful manner.
If I unconsciously believe that my life is defined by attack and defend, if I unconsciously believe that I separated from God to experience autonomy and “freedom”, how could I possibly entertain anything but special relationships? And all this means is that they will always be fraught with disconnection at some point, misunderstandings at some point, and, very often, abandonment of them altogether. Vengeance defines my life as I will always anticipate conflict and will do everything I can, again unconsciously, to mitigate against it by firmly believing I was not at fault, he/she they were, they caused my distress, I sure didn’t, etc.
Is this what I want?
Do I want to remain in a combative state of mind, anticipating conflict, guarding against it, destroying any hope of meaningful and blessed communication? I think not.
As long as I am aligned with ego, what I see is a form of vengeance, perishable, unreal, etc. Practice today, my friends, with Jesus or the Holy Spirit. Ask for help to relax, let go and enjoy the exercises. Remember that understanding is never necessary, we just practice as directed.
With a whole lot of love,
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2 thoughts on “Thoughts with Gayle: Lesson 22”
Do I believe that I deserve to receive abusive behavior from others? It makes sense now that at one time I DID believe it! Once I quit believing that I DESREVED it, I was then able to accept others as they were, hurting inside, just as I was! It’s not personal.
Today I have no need for vengeance because I believe that I deserve better!
Love what you wrote, Bob. Yes, if others weren’t in emotional pain in some form, they would have no need to be abusive, none at all. I still have a lot of forgiveness work ahead of me toward my own Dad and Bill’s as well. Both were a bit misadvised, shall I say?, about how to teach their offspring and believed that being unkind, demeaning and belittling actually worked. Hardly…I often try to blunt that trauma to no avail because, of course, it will resurface in different form. I chose to be a victim of their insanity and became insane or was as well. Thank God for ACIM and fellow students like you! Love, Gayle